Tax his pants, tax his coat,

Tax his crops, tax his work,

Tax his tie, tax his shirt,

Tax his chew, tax his smoke;

Teach him taxes are no joke.

Tax his tractor, tax his mule,

Teach him taxes are a rule,

Tax his oil, tax his gas,

Tax his notes, tax his cash;

Tax him good and let him know—

After taxes he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more;

Tax him ‘til he’s good and sore.

Tax his coffin, tax his grave,

Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb:

“Taxes drove me to my doom.”

And after he’s gone, he can’t relax;

They’ll still be after Inheritance Tax

NOW THAT’S DRY!

  Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?.
  A. German Shepherds.

  Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible ?.
  A. Noah– He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

  Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible ?.
  A. Pharaoh’s daughter…. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out   little prophet.

  Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible ?.
  A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a fury.  David’s triumph was heard throughout the land.  Also,  probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one accord.

  Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible ?.
  A. Samson. He brought the house down.

  Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?.
  A. Your Mother ate us out of house and home.

  Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible ?.
  A. Moses…. He broke all 10 commandments at once .

  Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy ?.
  A. The area around Jordan……The banks were always overflowing.

  Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible ?.
  A. David….. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

  Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
  A. Joshua, son of Nun.

  Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the ark ?.
  A. Because Noah was standing on the deck…(groan…)

  P.S……. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
     It’s in the Bible, it says ” He – brews “.

  KEEP SMILING !!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!!!!!

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There just might be some real learning in these words, We hope you are practicing them ? ?..

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question.

“Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were Growing up?”

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told am lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flower beds.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the  woodshed..

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place.

God Bless the parents who drugged us.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved! In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
 
After lunch the next day Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes”  But Sally said, “Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.” Then she whispered to him, “Remember the duck?” So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, “I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.” Sally just smiled and said, “Well that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help” She whispered again, “Remember the duck?” So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
 
After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s; he finally couldn’t stand it any longer.
 
He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, “Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.”
 
Thought for the day and every day thereafter?
 
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done… And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) …whatever it is…You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room came a voice, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
 

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don’t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light and answered, “It would be hypocritical for me to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?”

Very well,” said the voice.

The light went out.

The river ran again.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw…..brought both paws together…bowed his head and spoke: Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”